A Toddlers Potty Training Antics
1. You initially start potty training two to three months earlier than reasonable due to peer pressure from other friends with toddlers. You quickly realize the toddler who keeps urinating consistently on your tatami floors, needs more than 20 minute bathroom break reminders; she simply needs a diaper! You wisely put her back in diapers, and tell yourself you’ll conquer potty training at the start of the new year.
2. While clothes shopping with your toddler, you spy toddler Hello Kitty underwear, and Little Mermaid underwear. You think to yourself, “Certainly these characters will encourage my daughter to use the toilet.”
3.A voice of reason calls, and not only do you purchased these licensed overpriced toddler underwear you buy 12 pairs of cheap generic toddler underwear. Realistically all 20 pairs may get urinated in during the first 24 hours of enforced potty training.
4. The toddler who now owns 20 pairs of underwear, decides to wear them ad nauseam over her diaper, yet under her clothes. When home, said toddler chooses to change her underwear multiple times each hour. At the end of the day, her room is full of scattered clothes, toys, books, and toddler underwear from her recent attire changes.
5. When taking your daughter out to lunch the next day, she is generally excited about the toilet flusher button that is located on the bathroom stall floor. You find yourself saying something similar, “If you can use the toilet, you can push the toilet flusher button, too!” Said toddler looks at you with interest, then pauses and replies, “The potty is scawwee (scary), mommy!” To which you respond with many positive and encouraging potty training mantras, that despite your quiet voice, you’re certain the other women the restroom listening are chuckling to themselves and grateful they are not potty training!
6. When grocery shopping for the week, you allow your toddler to pick out “potty candy”. At the checkout line you realize you’ve been taken by a two-year-old. She made out well; with Cheetos, Tic-tacs, chocolate morsels, peppermint candies, and “Robin eggs” seasonal Easter whooper eggs.
7. You allow your child to pick out her own toddler potty. She chooses a fancy pink potty, and is so excited about her new potty and joyful about tearing out of the box.
8. While your toddler doesn’t want to use her potty yet, she tells everyone about it, decorated it with stickers, and moves it around the bottom floor of her home using it as a stool to turn on lights and reach a few of her older brothers Lego creations she never had access to until now.
9. While watching a movie during the family movie night, she uses her potty as a siting stool. Once done with dinner, and as she grows tired of Disney movie, she begins to generously give out many of the stickers she peeled off her potty.
10. The next morning, said toddler realizes she was over generous with her sticker giving. Now she proclaims, “Where’s wrest (rest) of my stickers, go?”
11. You remind her she generously gave away many stickers last night to her family members, and hand her another small sheet of stickers to continue decorating her potty. It keeps her busy. You notice several towers of stickers have complied on the lid of her potty. You make a note to reallocate these sticker towers to her toilet cover, while she naps later that day.
12. After story time preceding naptime, your toddler tells you she has to use the potty! You’re so excited! Then toddler refuses to use the potty; she has successfully prolonged her nap time by ten minutes! To which you decide to laugh to yourself about this!
13. While running errands that weekend you realize one small potty isn’t enough for a potty training toddler. What if she needs to use the restroom quickly upstairs? What about if she needs to use the restroom while you are traveling? Or out running errands? You purchase a Minnie Mouse toilet lid that sings per toddlers request for upstairs toilet. This Minnie Mouse toilet lid even sings a little song! You also pull out your sons old toddler potty out of closet, clean off the dust and place this “old potty” under potential potty trainers car seat in your vehicle.
14. Toddler is very excited about all these “potties”! She sits for extended sessions on upstairs toilet pushing the bottom causing Minnie Mouse to sing a little jingle. You hear such jingle, over, and over, and over for about a week. Still no potty though! This child may be hard to convince to start toilet training.
15. You remind your toddler of her “potty training candies and snacks”. She decides the reward is not worth the work. Both times that week your babysitter watches your toddler as you run errands and take your sons to school activities, your toddler asks your babysitter for Cheetos! She successfully eats a lot of these Cheetos without ever using the potty.
16. You step up your potty training skills. You remind your child after the New Year that she will start wearing her new underwear that she still changes multiple times a day and wears over her diaper.
17. The New Year arrives. Your toddler gets sick for a few days, followed by your youngest son getting sick for a few days. Potty training plans are on hold. You tell yourself next week you will begin.
18. You find age appropriate potty training videos on YouTube. You watch a few of these videos with your toddler more times than your level of sanity may permit. You read a few potty training books from your local library ad nauseam.
19. The subsequent week, everyone is miraculously in good health. You start potty training without a lot of fuss. You set the timer every 20 minutes, often with ten minutes of encouraging effort for your toddler to use the potty, and then set timer for another 20 minute reminder.
20. Your child after two accidents, actually uses the potty later that day! When potty training child uses the bathroom, you throw a verbal praise party. Not only are you clapping and saying, “Great job! I knew you could do it! You’re queen of the potty!”, your sons have also joined the potty training support team! They dance and clap and say encouraging words, too!
21. In the midst of the celebration your husband has arrived home from work. He must have heard most of this praise party, and by the quizzical look displayed on his face, it’s obvious that you and your potty trained children were much louder than you realized!
22. You also realize at that moment how different your lives now are as a stay-at-home Mom, compared to his life as a nuclear engineer. You laugh to yourself about the dichotomy that motherhood has placed on your daily experiences and goals! Then you encourage your husband to cheer on the “queen of the potty” with you!
23. The day ends, with another successful potty visit, and thankfully said toddler goes to bed early. Potty training is far more exhausting than you realize. You find yourself eating a handful of your toddler’s Whopper Robin Eggs, and drinking a glass of well deserved wine!
24. You wake up, feeling encouraged from yesterday, and you place singing toddler potty lid in her large diaper lid for the few quick errands you have planned to run that morning after older children’s school drop off. Yet, you’re not a rookie; toddler uses potty before you leave the house, but you keep her in a pull-up while running errands. The entire time you run errands the singing potty lid button continues to get bumped in your diaper bag. Toddler won’t use her favorite potty lid in public bathrooms, but singing potty lid interjects into song as you’re paying at the cash register of commissary, as you grab more allergy medicine for your youngest son at pharmacy, and as your quickly chatting with a friend who doesn’t have children yet. You’re not a rookie, rather you’re a singing potty lid transporter! A much higher level of accomplishment! You try to keep a straight face in social situations, but after the 20th time of hearing the same Minnie Mouse jingle you tell yourself, “That singing lid will never accompany yourself on errands again. It will never leave your home again until your toddler out grows it, and said potty lid is placed in donation pile.” Your toddler enjoyed the accompanying music during errands, and asks to “Push music button on way home, peas (please)?” You let her do so, listening to same song intermittently for another 20 minutes. Clearly you’re loosing it!
25. Toddler uses her potty at home. She eats chocolate morsels as a prize, you are still singing and clapping and making a huge deal of her accomplishments!
26. After nap toddler ups her potty reward requests. She now wants to eat a few chocolate morsels and watch a short ten minute Olivia video on YouTube. You decide her choice of reward, or behavioral currency, is far better than diapers. You make sure you keep your phone charger near her potty.
27. While you haven’t used the toilet for years alone, it seems your toddler is now very interested in all your restroom visits. She listens intently and declares with enthusiasm and clapping when her mother urinates, and proudly declares, “You get potty candy!” Toddler insists that you get potty candy, and do you do! Your toddler gets upset when you remind her that she can’t have potty candy without going herself. Your toddler decides she’ll use the restroom for more chocolate morsels, and another Olivia YouTube clip!
28. By now you have the Olivia theme song and “Goodnight Olivia” song memorized. You also realize your sons now have it memorized too! When you all start singing these songs together at bedtime, once again from a look from your husband, you realize how different your lives have become. You schedule a date night away from all three kids. In the midst of potty training exhaustion, you’re particularly interested in spending time solely alone with your husband who is an adult. You’re secretly relieved that this date allows you to “skip out” on four glorious potty training hours!
29. Your potty training toddler won’t use the toilet the next day without a larger potty training reward. She asks for a longer Madeline show and marshmallows. You concede to her requests. At this rate you’re already examining the yard; perhaps she’ll request a pony next? You prepare yourself as how you’ll explain that your yard is too small for a pony.
30. You’ve washed more toddler clothes from potty accidents, cleaned up more potty puddles, and eaten far too much “potty candy” this week. In the midst of potty training exhaustion, you refuse to cancel your workouts with your neighbor. Despite that your toddler used the toilet 15 minutes prior to arriving at your neighbor’s home, your child christens your neighbor’s home within minutes of arrival. A bit mortified, you apologize and clean up the mess, change your toddler’s clothes and put her in a pull-up! Then you get back to working out; at this rate unless you continue working out, potty training is going to make you gain 10 pounds. You remind yourself that all those Robin Eggs and chocolate morsels you’ve eaten can’t be good for you!
31. You and your toddler spend most of your time at home during the first four weeks of potty training. You cancel many social obligations, and busy errands. Don’t worry your friends know you still exist; they see you pinning potty training links, videos, and advice on Pinterest. You beg your babysitter to help you potty train your toddler. You hope your babysitter eats more of the potty candy than you do! You also pay her more money during those first two months of potty training because you know how much work convincing a socially advanced and calculating toddler can slowly degrade your sense of clarity.
32. While babysitter is watching your potty training toddler, you buy yourself a latte while running errands before school pick up and taking your sons to piano lessons. You drink your latte in peace. While visiting the local library with your sons after their piano lessons, you checkout more toddler potty training books and a book for yourself that has nothing to do with potty training of parenting.
33. Despite that you enjoy the historical component of this book; you’ve also formed the personal opinions that said book is too long, follows four too many characters over three generations, and overly exploits a generation of no family values. Yet, you read this book to completion! Hurrah! You just did something that has nothing to do with potty training! You think “I win!”. Then you laugh to yourself!
34. In the midst of these potty training weeks, your child’s old potty placed in car becomes frequently used by potty training toddler. You laugh again to yourself, and tell your closest friends about your car now being an “RV”. Having a toilet and bottled waters in the back officially converts your awesome MPV van into a “home on wheels.” Staying classy!
35. You continue to go to bed earlier each night because you realize the emotional toll of trying to convince a toddler now every hour to use the potty!
36. Your friend’s husband with a baby jokes about having to change his baby’s diaper, and says something about looking forward to potty training. Without catching yourself, you say, “Enjoy the diapers! This is the easiest stage of parenting.” You can see this fellow parent is now a little scared by your parenting remark, despite the truth in your comment. “Don’t worry” you gently say, “Parenting continues to become more fun and rewarding!” You tactfully walk away as soon as possible. Next time you sarcastically tell yourself you’ll share with fellow parent about the joys of potty candy rewards and the incentives of watching the Olivia show!
37. After weeks of potty training effort, your child has this pattern down. And you’re prepared mentally to being consistent. You pull over immediately to ensure potty training child’s requests, you lug around two changes of clothes and a non-singing potty lid in child’s diaper bag, you still are spending a lot of time when out running errands to ensure child uses the bathroom. You’re still spewing encouraging words to your potty training toddler in restaurant and store bathrooms. At this point you don’t care whose listening in public bathrooms.
38. All those squats you’ve held during your potty training pep talks to your toddler, at her eye level, at home and on the go are helping you get in shape! Once again you laugh to yourself about this noted progress.
39. Your neighbor who just had a baby asks you more about potty training her toddler son who is the same age. You ask your friend how much sleep she’s getting with having a baby, and ask if her son is showing any interest. She tells you she’s not getting much sleep, and her son is not showing much interest. You wisely and kindly suggest she wait a few months to potty train her son until he shows some type of potty training interest. Potty training is not for the weak at heart!
40. Your potty training toddler asks to wear a pull-up on cold winter days, regardless that she seems very “potty trained”. Despite the layers she’s dressed in she tells you, “My’s buns are cold!” Hilarious! Something you would have never thought of for your child. You allow her to wear a pull-up, but only if she uses the potty accordingly. She meets her side of the deal.
41. Your potty trained child is potty trained, yet not “poop trained”. That is another step you’ve been unsuccessful at accomplishing! You’re certain there will be more public praises and pep talks, your child will ask for a larger reward that has to be smaller than a pony, and that when it occurs the family support praise party will surprise your husband even more than before. Until, then you’ll wait and continue to encourage and allow your newly potty trained toddler to wear a diaper when requested for her bowel movements for a bit longer. You’ll also continue to pin potty training advice on Pinterest during your toddler’s nap or while listening to Minnie Mouse singing in the background!
P.S. Photo credit goes to my oldest, who thought setting up a frog reading Pokèmon on the toddler potty is funny!