Last year I started a blog, but wasn’t good about keeping up on it. Here is a reasonable entry worth sharing even more now rereading it.
“Over the last few weeks, nonsense is a common assailant. Roll your eyes, and let out a breath of relief, because you may feel relieved to know you are not the only one whom it has afflicted! Although there were many instances, there was a most notable occurrence. A friend watched my children doing me a favor, which is much appreciated. Yet my appreciation and gratitude went downhill, when she then decided to call me the next day and let me know my child politely rejected her meal choices. I inquired, “was he rude about it?”. I learned he was very polite and simply said, “I’m not hungry, and we don’t eat this type of ‘green eggs and ham’ at home.” I then generously recieved a multitude of suggestions of ways in which I could make sure he consumed a proper amount of proteins and calcium. In my ming I thought: He had a late snack before he came over, and if he wants to fill up on popcorn while enjoying a movie at your home, so let him. It is not representative of his usual diet. I was then informed my youngest doesn’t “talk enough”. It was the first time I had ever heard this from anyone, including strong confirmation from his pediatrician, his preschool teacher and other friends that he has an impressive vocabulary. Then I learned, my oldest laughed loudly during the movie and prepped his brother for the upcoming “funny” parts of the movie. “Man, have your children watched this movie a lot?”, this friend asked. “[insert my oldest child’s name here] said he has only watched it twice.” I confirmed his claim and questioned, “Anything else?” Confused my friend asked, “Anything else?”, clearly not understanding that her unwarranted and unnecessary advice was not appreciated.
Then, I went to her house to return the babysitting favor the following weekend. Her children who she complains about more than I want to hear about even on Facebook, were…. Guess? Yes, they really were angels! They didn’t want to finish the rest of their movie, and because they are kids and accidents happen a popcorn spilling incident occurred, they wanted a few extra bedtime stories, they wanted to show me how they could brush their teeth longer than they needed too, and they brought me a multitude of tissues because I discovered I am allergic to one of the many feline’s who live in the home. The youngest wanted me to lay next to him while he fell asleep. When my friend came home, she asked how her children were and I said, ”They were perfect, perfect. They wanted extra bedtime stories, they didn’t want to finish their movie, they told me all about Luke Skywalker’s new arm, they brushed their teeth extra well, and your youngest wanted me to sleep next to him until he fell asleep.”
Raising kids takes a secure, mentally strong and a very patient personality. Yet, dealing with adults really is a crap shoot, literally, because you never know what to expect with some adults. With a child you can mold them, gently correct them and easily forgive them for their innocent mistakes. With adults, it is more difficult to understand and patiently deal with annoying and abrasive personalities. Shouldn’t they know? I inwardly ask myself at times. The answer is they should, yet they are still learning, or possibly will never learn, so LET IT GO! Patience, mental strength, and security! Some exude a lot full of nonsense, but I can smile and dismiss their negative behavior, not accept it, but dismiss it and realize I am not responsible for correcting other adults. If you ask my advice, I will gently give it, but never will I call and tell you what to do; never, it’s not my place.
Then there are adult friends who have picked me up over the last few months, made me laugh, and listen to me when I cried. There are adults who simply have listened when I was struggling emotionally over a miscarriage, and offered me comfort instead of advice, unconditional love instead of love and then telling me what to do. There are friends who have invited my kids and I over for dinner and made me Mac’n’Cheese while my husband worked late. A friend who brought me bags of nice clothes for my youngest because her son had outgrown them.
A delivered box came to my doorstep today from Target. My small dog barked as ferociously as he could, which is still not very scary, to let me know something was amiss. My children saw the box, and excitedly pulled it inside the house for me. They raced to each get a butter knife to open the box. An upon the box being opened by my boys, I saw several generous items off our baby registry. Items off a baby registry for a baby that I am so lucky to be expecting. A baby registry that another friend advertised on the invite for the baby shower she offered to kindly host for me before I move away next month. Generous gifts from a friend, the same friend who had so warmly given me huge bags of clothes for my son, moved me to tears. Kindness that showed up on my doorstep, because she will be out of town for my shower and can’t make it; gentle much appreciated support that several friends continually give unconditionally.”
I most note that unconditionally kind friend Cheryl I speak of above is still to this day one of the most amazing women I know.